nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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