i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
