Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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