I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
