when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
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