Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My liver just had a heart attack.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
