I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
