So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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