Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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