Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
