so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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