There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
