Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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