Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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