:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
