I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
