I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
