if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
