You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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