so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
