she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize