I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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