It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
