my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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