New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
