I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
