they need to just BURY HIM!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
