You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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