Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
