You really coming over, don't trick.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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