Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
