Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
