then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
