I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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