I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize