o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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