Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
