Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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