just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
