The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
