fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
