i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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