I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize