Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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