I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
