Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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