i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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