Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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