Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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