I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
