Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
