We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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