No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
