Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
