i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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