It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
