we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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