I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
