Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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