Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
