You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize