I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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