Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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