I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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