you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
