okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
