okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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