ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
