I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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