She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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