I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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