he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
