Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
