Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
