mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
