the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
