are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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