he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
