is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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