I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
