My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
