i love accidental penises.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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