Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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