i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
