I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
