I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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