I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
