He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
