Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
