just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
