i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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