I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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