She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
