get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
