He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
