Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
