do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
