Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
