i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
