I hate your face
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
