I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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